I’m going to be completely honest, due to Geodude’s family being the only three stage evolution line with a full set of regional forms, there’s a whopping six designs to cover and they’re all pretty similar in tone, so some of these are going to be a bit shorter because there isn’t as much to say.

Geodude starts us off simple. Really simple. We pretty much get nothing other than a rock with arms here and there’s not much else to say. As a bog standard RPG monster, earth elementals are not too uncommon so this works on a very simple level, and I think the linework on the body is done well to both feel like a craggy rock while also working with the face to feel like a grouchy, somewhat masculine coded face. It’s not particularly inspired though and has been outdone by countless Rock types since.

Alolan Geodude isn’t going to be holding this accolade for long, but it’s aesthetically the most simple regional form seen so far. Throwing away the Ground typing that Geodude doesn’t really reference aesthetically at all, this Rock/Electric Geodude incorporates magnetic ore into its design with a greyer colour scheme overall and distinctive eyebrows and magnetic “hairs”. The nice detail I really like here is that magnetic rock has caused it to develop sealed fingers rather than the same five finger grip Kantonian Geodude has. That’s just a nice detail, but unfortunately I’m not really sold on Geodude’s use of iron sand as hair even if it is the natural way to fit such a concept into Geodude’s design. Such an idea can work incredibly well but Geodude just doesn’t have the compelling features to pull it off. Ultimately though this isn’t the worst Alolan form, I think it wins the award for most forgettable, in part due to the Alolan Geodude family being the only Alolan forms not shown before Sun and Moon’s release.

Graveler is when the evolution line clearly commits fully to the image of “RPG rock monster”. This is an unattractive, burly brute of dark caves; misshappen and rugged as a large mass of the earth rather than just a single stone like Geodude. To be honest, while more immediately compelling I think this design is just a bit slapdash. In many ways that’s most likely the whole point, but that doesn’t necessarily justify the many elements of Graveler’s design that seem out of place or just don’t feel fully realised. The extra arms come out of nowhere, and to nowhere they return the second it evolves (some speculate they’re “given” to Machoke and that original trade evolutions were meant to be more like Shelmet and Karrablast, but I don’t find that especially compelling). The face is unlike Geodude or Golem and feels like some bloated earthy toad, which may have its own appeal as a rock monster design but it just isn’t doing it for me. It’s a functional design, but feels sloppy and uninspired. I can’t say I outright dislike it that much though.

Alolan Graveler is doing more of the same on behalf of both regular Graveler and iterating on the changes Alolan Geodude started. I have to say I’m not really a fan of slapping the iron sand that was characterised as hair onto its upper forearms in absence of a better place to put it, just feeling kind of tacked on as a result. The rest of it however is generally an improvement. The black rocks aren’t anything sensational but their placement on Graveler’s eyebrows and cheeks make it look less bloated and toady to me (black truly is a slimming colour). The nice part here is how its body is riddled with golden piezoelectric crystals to further sell the electric side to it, which I think is a pretty significant improvement from Alolan Geodude lacking that identity. I’m still not sold on Graveler having four arms out of nowhere, but that problem feels grandfathered in and without a reason to take them out it’s inoffensive. Overall another modest change but aside from a nitpick it’s at least a comfy improvement.

Golem is the third of the original Kanto trade evolutions we now come to, and as much as I like to hype them up as a group, this is the one that feels most left by the wayside. Regardless, its design is definitely a huge improvement on Geodude and Graveler, though that does come with it feeling incongruous with its previous stages. The lizard elements feel like they’ve come swinging out of nowhere, the two extra arms have gone for a hike (we hardly knew ye), and the style of its rocky exterior has completely changed to be like some coarse, scaly shell. This shell is apparently something it can physically exit, but frankly I’m just not going to think about that one. This frankly approaches Blastoise levels of silliness in discontinuity across an evolution line, but without the wow factor to shore it up like what Blastoise has. That being said, an improvement over Geodude and Graveler is more important than that and Golem does indeed deliver comfortably. Unlike its trade evolution compatriots, Golem didn’t get the super form treatment at either opportunity, instead just getting its Alolan form. In a way this feels like regular Golem getting screwed over but with those super forms seemingly all dead and gone, it may have gotten the last laugh after all with a solid Alolan counterpart.

Alolan Golem is, as of now, the last trade evolution Pokemon introduced in the main series games, and like most weaker elements of the Alolan evolution line this just represents the lacklustre elements of its Kantonian cousins being grandfathered in with no ability to change them significantly for the better. Alolan Golem, to its credit, does a lot of new things now that I like though. The giant beard is a big improvement on the previous attempts at iron sand and rocks as hair, the arms being piddly and tucked in is kinda neat, but the real attraction is the massive stony railgun. This is just a really nice wow factor that the evolution line sorely needed. The piezoelectric stones lining the inside are a nice touch that brings it all together and delivers on Graveler setting that idea up. It somehow manages to look drastic to an amusing degree without feeling tonally out of place. The only problem with Alolan Golem centering its entire appeal on being an electric railgun is that it’s not the only Generation 7 Pokemon to do this exact thing, and it’s sadly outclassed by the wildly superior Vikavolt in this niche to such a degree it sadly becomes a bit forgettable. Nevertheless, Golem’s take is distinct in a lot of ways and it can still be appreciated on its own merits. A welcome improvement on the original that tidies up a lot of the messier ideas its pre-evolutions laid out.

Kantonian Final Verdict: 5/10 – It’s plain but it works, still just a bit too outclassed to really shine though
Alolan Final Verdict: 6/10 – A modest and welcome improvement over the original, though not something that quite compares to its modern contemporaries due to inheriting too many of the original’s flaws.